New parenting book from RadicalParenting.com author.

Inside the Mind of Teens

By Vanessa Van Petten, creator of RadicalParenting.com a parenting website written from the teen perspective to help parents understand them. She is also the author of the parenting book, “Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I’m Grounded?”

When I was 16 I thought it was my Dad’s goal in life to make me miserable. I was convinced that he had a
running list of all the ways he could embarrass me in front of my friends, trick me into doing more chores
or make my curfew earlier.

Our relationship would have continued to devolve until one day I saw my Dad reading a parenting book.
I flipped through it while my Dad was in the bathroom and realized a lot of the things he did that drove
me crazy he was getting right out of this book! I looked at the other parenting books on our shelves and
realized that they were all written by adults. I wondered—has anyone ever asked teens to write to their
parents?

I decided to build a website where teens could answer questions and write to parents called
RadicalParenting.com. I couldn’t believe how quickly it grew and how happy both teens were to get their
voices out and parents were to have a new outlet for connecting with their kids! We now have over 120
teen writers who give advice.

Teenagers, when given a neutral space LOVE talking to parents and often offer some of the best insight
because they are going through it themselves. We have also be so excited to help parents who feel like
they cannot reach their kids and teens.

I think teens and parents can work together to overcome their differences and learn to work best
together. We have just come out with our book: Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I’m Grounded and
it is a radical approach to parenting because it is written from the kid’s perspective! We would love for
you to check it out—if you are brave enough to see what kids have to say!

Watch the video.

Full Circle

I just finished casting West Haven Summer Youth Theatre of which I am the co-director with a dear friend. The friend has been doing this forever and is an accomplished music teacher, so I was honored to have been asked to do direct with him. I am also very grateful to have his guidance as I find my way as a director of teens and tweens since I am used to working mostly with adults.

Some of my readers may not know this, but before I was an author or writer, I was a professional singer. I was headed to Broadway and did lots of professional work in and around New York. I studied at AADA in New York and with many voice teachers and dialect coaches. As a result, I had an excellent career that I gave up for foolish reasons, though I did not think they were foolish then. Nevertheless, before I moved to New York, I did tons of theatre and one of my first shows was Godspell with West Haven Summer Theatre. It was actually my second show ever! A couple of years later, I had a director there named Anthony Amato. He was a high school English teacher who also loved the theatre and worked hard to inspire us as actors. I very clearly remember thinking I wanted to be just like him, and this thought came back to me a few days before we started production on this show. Unfortunately, Mr. Amato will never know my thoughts. He passed away last fall, rather suddenly to all of us who knew him. I had the pleasure of serving on our local arts council with him and always enjoyed his presence. He had one of those faces that always looked as if it was smiling.

Since I believe everything happens for a reason, I have no regrets. In fact, I much prefer THIS side of the curtain right now and writing my books. I don’t want the stress of getting up on a stage and simply do not enjoy that part of things anymore. Where I used to jump up and sing, I stand back now and let someone else do it. That is why I am so very excited to pass on my skills to a new generation. They can jump onstage with as much of my knowledge as I can pass on to them.

Our show is Godspell Junior. It will be performed at Carrigan Middle School in West Haven, CT, on August 6th and 7th. Some of the racier parts have been removed in this version, but it is just as fun. Now that casting is over, I can get to work shaping the show and leading our cast to self-discovery. Above all, I hope it will be a fun summer – for them and for me.

West Haven Summer Theatre is back and I am very happy to be a part of it. I only hope I can make Tony proud as he stands in the wings and watches our show.

It seems as if things have come full circle.

Happy Pictures of Work-At-Home Moms

So many websites for WAHM’s show pictures of women holding babies, or with babies near their feet, while typing on their computer … with a smile on their faces. Get real! I am a WAHM with a successful freelance writing business and I have yet to smile while trying to meet a deadline with children underfoot. This has been especially true when the kids were young enough to hold in my arms. I remember trying to configure those puzzle-like babygates so as to keep my toddler occupied while I tried to write. He spent the entire time trying to figure out how to knock them down or climb over them. As a result, I wrote when he napped or after he went to bed.

When my second son was born, it was a bit easier. He has been into trains and cars since the moment he could sit up. As a result, he plays with his Thomas the Tank Engine set for hours on end. It was a bit easier, but I still never held him in my arms while trying to use my brain and write or research. In fact, the only time I held either of them while on the computer was while breastfeeding and then I typed with only one hand, which really does not work.

So when you see those photos of smiling working moms holding babies while sitting at their computer, just know that they are either online shopping, checking their horoscope or reading the message boards to keep sane while their writing waited for later when everyone was fast asleep. Any WAHM who tells you different is totally lying.

Find Your Way Home - AT NINE?

This comes from the "Just When I Thought I Had Seen It All" file. It is sure to promote a discussion, one way or the other.

Lenore Skenazy is a contributing editor at the New York Sun and founder or FreeRangeKids.com. I don't want to give her any press, but this was completely outrageous, IMHO.

Lenore left her 9-year-old son in Bloomie's in New York a few weeks ago. She did this on purpose so he could find his own way home. She says this fosters independence. She says she did not fear her son would be abducted. She feels happy with herself that she gave him a subway map, a transit pass, $20 plus several quarters in case he needed to make a call (on the public telephones that hardly exist anymore due to the existence of the cell phone she did NOT give him).

OK. I know they live in New York City, and City kids are a bit more worldly and cosmopolitan, but what in the name of God was she thinking?! The child is NINE! He is a CHILD! I think of how little my very-tall-for-his-age son looks and shudder to think of what could have happened to her son.

Skenazy's reasoning was basically that "overprotectiveness is a danger in and of itself. A child who thinks he can't do anything on his own eventually can't." Uh, yeah, but shouldn't the kid be a little older before he braves the wilds of the world without someone watching over him a little bit?

Is it me or did I completely miss something this time?

You can read the story for yourself here:
http://www.nhregister.com/WebApp/appmanager/JRC/BigDaily?_nfpb=true&_pageLabel=pg_article&r21.content=%2FMAIN_REP%2FArticle%2F2008%2F04%2F18%2F1919570

My Day With Alex

There are several topics to write about today. I could write about how aggravating it is to have two seconds to squeeze in some work – in between the time when dinner is ready and the potty-training “incident” – and having another computer problem. Or I could always talk about the fact that I woke up around 3:30am and could not get back to sleep, so ended up having a pretty useless day. I decided to stick to the positive, though, because it makes me happy to think about and, therefore, to write about it.

My youngest son, Alex, and I spent a rare day together this past week. It was rare because I work from home and have two different age groups to work with by having an 8-year-old and a 3-year-old. I do not usually have time to spend with my younger son the way I did with Nicholas. Nicholas was essentially an only child for 4 ½ years. I took him everywhere and did not even have the option of any sort of preschool until he was almost 4. He went grocery shopping with me, had several Mommy and Me-type of activities, and I enjoyed hanging out with him. He was also more attentive and patient when it came to crafts and tangible activities such as cooking. His brother, on the other hand, is a very different child. I occasionally take him out on short outings to the grocery store or on other errands, but he always wants to be wherever his brother is. I think that is a good thing overall, but I regret not having time to spend with him alone.

So when he had a day off while his brother was at school, I hung out with him and did absolutely no work at all. (Don’t tell my editors!) We grabbed a donut at Dunkin’, went to the store and visited Nonni at work. I even helped him make a pillow fort and then climbed into it at his request! It was a tight squeeze, but totally worth the back pain when he said, “I like hanging out with you, Mommy,” his face beaming with his smile.

When it snowed later in the day, and my choir rehearsal was cancelled, he was in Heaven. He got to romp in the snow with his brother after dinner. This was a good call on my part since it poured rain overnight and the snow was gone by morning. We made snow angels, built a little fort for his dump truck, and drank hot tea with honey after we came in for the night.

Time is passing and Alex will grow up all too soon. His brother is already eight! He will be busy with school and friends, and there will be no time for his old mom. My work will always (hopefully!) be there, so I think I’ll have to schedule a few of these days off from now on. I do not think his college boards will be affected if he misses a day of preschool, do you?

Traveling Manners

Do you leave your manners at home when you travel? I just had a quick Disney “sneak away” with my husband and was once again amazed. I mean I was aggravated at the general public in the park when I was there with the kids this past September, but did not really have the time to think about it. With trying to get enough water into the kids, shade-seeking activities, and trying to get a bang for our park ticket buck, there just was not time to think about the idiot who cut me off or the women screaming at her kid in front of the castle.

This time was different. I had time as I strolled with hubby. As I watched the lady who did not want to get on the bus at 10pm with her 2-year-old simply because she would not have a seat, I wanted to jump out, take her crying child on the bus with me and tell her we would meet her so she could sit her fat *** on the bus. Besides, every single person in line would have given up their seat so the child could get to bed at that late hour. My husband actually thought I was going to confront her, but Ignorance simply does not listen, does it? I just hoped the next bus would arrive soon. Thank goodness it did.

Then there was the family of five who cut me off as I was going into a ride, then cut me off again when we were moving to the next room of the venue. These were two adults with three children in their late teens, early 20’s. Now why would I have thought the three teenage lifeguards at our hotel would NOT have crossed in front of the elderly bartender schlepping a heavy cart with people like this raising their children?

My boys know that manners come first. I expect them to be gentlemen, and they are with very few reminders. My 8-year-old holds doors, picks up dropped belongings for total strangers, and even helps the usher at church pick up the discarded bulletins each Sunday.

Raising a healthy, well-mannered person does not take much when you think about it. It only takes the time to teach them what is right unlike the lifeguards. It only takes a little sacrifice on your part to keep your child healthy unlike the woman who could not sit down. It only takes making the choice to do the right thing in any and every situation unlike the family who cut me off. In other words, doing your job as a parent is what it takes to raise polite, healthy people who will make the world a better place long after you and I are gone.

Productivity and This Mom

Sometimes adding more to your pile of responsibilities makes you a more productive writer. It’s true! I just read a blog entry on Copy Blogger http://www.copyblogger.com/increase-writing-productivity/ that spoke about how having a baby can make you more productive. I agree.

When I had my first son, I had the length of his nap to work. I then continued after my husband came home, then after dinner if needed. I scheduled any calls to the West Coast in the early evening so I could interview people later in the day when they were open to kicking back at their desks and talking on the phone. When my second son arrived, I was able to work while he played at my feet (the first NEVER wanted to do that!), but I still scheduled most of my work while he napped.

Now that the little guy is in preschool, I am back on my daytime schedule, but am much more productive than I was before my sons came into the picture. I sit at my desk at 9:30 each morning, submit my work ahead of time if my sources cooperate, and make the most of the hours when everyone is out of the house being productive in their own right.

No, the dishes don’t get washed, nor the laundry folded until later in the day, but the checks arrive because I get the work done. While I don’t advise having a baby simply to make you more productive, it certainly helped me!


LINKS OF NOTE:

Cell Phones for Soldiers
http://cellphonesforsoldiers.com

Hero Salute
http://www.herosalute.com/states/index.html

Merry Stress-mas

During this busy time of year, I find myself overwhelmed – again. I do this to myself every year since having my children. I plan on starting my Christmas shopping early, making homemade ornaments and cards, and getting my Christmas card list all spiffed up with cards sent out the day after Thanksgiving. Does it get done? Well, it used to before I had my children, but not anymore.

My days are filled with writing assignments, reading at one or the other schools (a fun thing!), running to pick up a gift from THE only store that has IT left on its shelf, and planning on making a few more batches of cookies to give. Notice I said, “Planning.” The actual “doing” does not seem to happen lately. These cookies are very important since we give them out as gifts to a few people who make our lives fun. Ever since my eldest (now 8) was small, we have gone around to the neighbors delivering cookies a few days before Christmas. We pick out the nicest-looking, unbroken cookies, pack them into pretty holiday tins, add a tag, and go to a few nearby houses and the Fire Department. Actually, the Fire Department has not gotten cookies in the past couple of years, but I plan on making tons this weekend and bringing them down to the House. (There’s that planning thing again.)

All of this brings me in a roundabout way to speak about the meaning of Christmas. We sung at Lessons and Carols at my church the other night. Readings and songs tell the story of Christmas. The Adult Choir, the Children’s Choir and several musicians get together with the congregation for this one night to enjoy the season in song.

As I stood in front of the choir, about to sing with three other people, I had the opportunity to hear both choirs for a change. Usually I am stuck at the end of the soprano section with only soprano voices to hear. When the children sang their verse, I was glad we were rehearsing first. I had to hold back my tears. Their little, innocent voices, so clear and pure, rose up and out, filling the air with their sweetness. I later enjoyed the little girl pulling up her stockings during a children’s song, and the boys in the back doing impromptu dances with their feet while remaining seated during another one of their songs, but the innocent moment stayed with me.

In this joyous season of Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa, take a moment to stop all of your rushing around and enjoy the innocence. There are few moments in life like the one I had the other evening. Make sure you notice them as they quickly pass.

What are your most treasured holiday moments?

Share them with us.

LINKS OF NOTE:

Wreaths Across America
http://www.wreathsacrossamerica.org/

The Wreaths Across America story began over 15 years ago when Worcester Wreath Company (a for-profit commercial business from Harrington, Maine) began a tradition of placing wreaths on the headstones of our Nation's fallen heroes at Arlington National Cemetery.

UPDATE: Over 3000 people laid wreaths at Arlington today. 'Just thought you would want to know.

California Family Leave Act
http://www.fordharrison.com/shownews.aspx?Show=3205

Under certain circumstances, California employers must provide up to ten days of unpaid leave to employees who have spouses in the military. California joins Illinois, Indiana, Maine, Minnesota, Nebraska and New York, all of which have Military Family Leave laws.

NORAD Santa
http://www.noradsanta.org/

Follow Santa’s progress as he treks across the world on Christmas Eve. (Note: My sons love doing this each Christmas Eve. It is part of our Christmas tradition.)

Giving Thanks

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and there is much to be thankful for in my home. The main things are healthy children and their daddy who is here and not in The Sandbox. There are many families who are not so lucky, and we need to remember them during this holiday season.

Take a moment to check out this link and remember those who are far from home. Will you wear blue on Fridays? And if you want to be even more proactive, cook a meal for the spouse of a deployed service member, or offer to rake his or her leaves. Something this simple means the world to someone missing their husband or wife who need to be Daddy AND Mommy, plumber AND auto mechanic, good cop AND bad cop (if you have children). Those who pretend they are okay when they are not and the children catch them crying. Who give themselves a pep talk when the phone does not ring when it is supposed to. Who need to be both parts of the team when their other half is away working as part of someone else's team ... for now.

Be there for them if they need you. Their families are also sacrificing for our country; the one you and I call home. Be there to support the greatest supporter of our military members - the military spouse.

To all of the military spouses reading this, whether your spouse is deployed or not, I thank you for your service.

With much admiration and very sincerely,
Rosemary

Are there gremlins in my house?

As I waded through the toys and bits in my living room this morning, I began wondering if clutter reproduces itself. Does the missing Lego under the couch wink at the yellow dump truck across the room and make a date? Does the Harry Potter dvd invite the fake ketchup in the miniature kitchen up to the t.v. stand for coffee?

Delegation is definitely the key, especially when you work from home. How to actually do this is still a mystery to me. No, I’m not a control freak and have absolutely no desire to clean it all up by myself, but the half-job that is done when I order everyone to pick up the junk is annoying.

So it sits. (Ask my mother.) One day I will make enough to hire Merry Maids like I did when I was pregnant with my second child, but for now, I get to scream with pain daily as I step on another Matchbox car.

Is your house neat and tidy or does it look as if a gremlin ran through with 20 of his best buddies?

The main thing is to enjoy the family while they are here, for all too soon, my sons will be out in the world on their own. The house will be clean, but quiet, and I will long for the days of Matchbox cars and Legos under my couch.

Tolerance Is Grossly Underrated

DEFINITION:

tol·er·ance (tŏl'ər-əns) n. The capacity for or the practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others.

Even though we live in the 21st century and we are supposed to be enlightened, we are still concerned with the color of one’s skin, the god they worship and the person they love.

I just read a report on ABC News about J.K. Rowling’s announcement that Dumbledore is gay. So, what is the problem with that? I have many gay friends and did not notice anything related to Dumbledore’s sexuality when I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. And so what if I did? What is the big problem?

My sons are growing up knowing the world is richly populated with all types of people, and that is a good thing. If we were all the same, life would be pretty boring. I can proudly proclaim that my sons are colorblind, appreciative of other faiths and customs, and whom a person loves will not be an issue with them as they grow. We have not even gotten to the age where love and relationships matter to them, but I do not expect their level of tolerance to change.

Moreover, why do we use the word “tolerance?” Do we have to steal ourselves to “tolerate” someone who has a sex life different from our own? Do have to tolerate someone whose skin is a different color? Do we have to “tolerate” someone who worships differently than we do? Why am I still shaking my head in 2007?

What do you think?

Are you open about the world and its inhabitants with your children?

I hope this question generates intelligent and thoughtful responses. All thoughts are welcome, but do not slam or bash anyone or your comment will be deleted immediately. Ignorance is one thing for which I have absolutely no tolerance.

Here we go again!

Mattel is announcing a recall of millions of toys due to toxic levels of lead in paint. Go to the Mattel site to get a complete list.

I think I'm going to start whittling my own toys.

:)