Deployment and Me

As I write this, I am aware of how silly my fear may seem to some people. I am usually a very logical person, but on this issue, I am very superstitious. Many military spouses are just like me. We think if we do not talk about it, it is less likely to happen, but we know that is not how it works. So it is with great trepidation that I even talk about the subject of deployment in any way, shape or form. I am writing about it despite my fears because of my civilian readers. I don’t think they truly understand that, whether or not our spouse is deployed, we live with the possibility every day our spouse wears the uniform, and for several years after he retires or leaves the military.

There have been several instances during our marriage when my husband has almost deployed. Each time, someone stepped in before he was even aware he was being tasked. I am sure there have been many more times he has not told me about, but he kept those time to himself, and I am grateful for that.

I frequently say I feel like a fraud because I have not had to deal with many of the issues many milspouses deal with on a regular basis such as deployments and moves overseas without their spouse, kids in tow, but I will tell you something else. I am happy to feel like a fraud if I can be spared a deployment. I do not want to be brave, though I know I would do all milspouses proud if I had to. I would stand proud, hide the tears and smile as if my life depended on it if I had to wave goodbye at a pier or an airport.

I have one more year of worrying before my husband retires.I know I am tempting fate by discussing any of this, but I pray he will stay out of the Sandbox. I pray he will stay safe. Most of all, I pray for all of the other milspouses who are praying for their spouses to stay safe far away.

May my own strength never be tested.