It does not matter how old I get, or how jaded life makes me. People who choose to hurt other people, especially a group of people, for the benefit of only one person – themselves - always amaze me. Why should it surprise me when I know the world is not always a nice place, that people do not always care who they hurt, and that many people are out for Number One.
Maybe the problem is that I still harbor the belief in goodness. Even if it is just a tiny shred of hope, perhaps it is there, just beyond my scope. Perhaps in the tiny unguarded part, usually reserved for my family and very close friends, there is a space in my heart for the rest of the world. I know children can get in there with no problem Small, defenseless animals are a close second.
I think I will try to hold on to the vulnerability that unguarded part of my heart creates, despite the pain this vulnerability causes me on a regular basis. I prefer turning into a lovely old lady who makes cookies to give away, rather than a bitter old woman, all alone, who cringes when my thoughts wander to the selfish things I have done. As of now, I do not have many of those thoughts. I would like to keep it that way.